I can't breathe without you
by BorchMadsen
Summary: The bomb didn't explode, and Miles is left thinking back on what happened, which has lead him into a very deep depression that he cant get out of.


**Title: **I cant breathe without you

**Characters/Pairings:** Miles/Kate, mentions of others (Daniel, Jack, James, ect.)

**Rating: **PG-13 or R. Im not sure

**Spoilers/Warnings: **Spoilers for season 5 and 6 i guess - Warnings for Character death and Dark themes

**Word Count: **1564

**Disclaimer: **Not my boys and girls

**Summary: **The bomb didnt explode, and Miles is left thinking back on what happened, which has lead him into a very deep depression that he cant get out of.

**I cant breathe without you**

Miles lays in their old bed in the Dharma House all day, sobbing in to a pillow. He can't bring himself together to get up. He's not hungry, he's not tired, he doesn't feel anything at all. Only grief.

He can't get her words out of his head. They keep repeating. Which just makes him cry even more.

He turns over on his back and thinks back on what happened 2 days ago.

_Miles saw Jack throw the bomb in the hole. But nothing happened. Nothing at all. Miles looked up and saw his girlfriend, standing next to Juliet with tears in her eyes. Suddenly without the least of a warning, all the Dharma people came running towards them with guns and started shooting. Miles could do nothing else than shoot back. It was caos. All the shooting and all the people screaming. Miles tried not to hear it. He only thought of himself and Kate. He turned around to check where she was and then he saw it. Kate stumble backwards confused. Blood. He got up, threw his rifle away and ran through the bullet fight towards Kate. She fell to the ground as he go to her.  
_

_"No, no, no!" Miles yelled out as he caugth her before she hit her head on the ground._

_"Miles, I..." she tried to talk to him but started coughing violently. _

_"I know, I know", Miles tried to sound as calm as possible, "Jack get over here!" Miles screamed as loud as he could. He felt the fear. Now more than ever before. If she died, right here in his arms, then that was it for him. Then he had nothing left to live for._

_"Dont die, please dont die. I cant live without you!" The tears ran down his face, dripping down on her shirt. He cried. For once in his life._

_Miles knew that she wasn't gonna survive, but he yelled out for Jack anyway._

_"Where the fuck is Jack!"_

_Miles ripped off his jumpsuit and used it to put pressure on the wound, but it didn't help._

_He felt Kate's hand on his face and looked down on her. Red eyes. Tears running down both their faces. She was going to die. She knew, and he knew it._

"Miles, There's nothing you can do. You cant safe me." Her voice breaking and coughs cutting her off.

_"Yes i can, if Jack would just..." He tried to get on his feet, but she pulled on his shirt. Making him stay_

_"Just let me go," she begged him, "Please!" She put both her hands, full of blood, on his face and looked him in the eyes, "Miles, kiss me"_

_He didn't hesitate one minute. Despite all the blood and the taste of metal hitting his lips he leaned down and kissed her. For the last time. _

_Kate coughed violently again and more blood ran down from her mouth. The time was near. He had to say his goodbyes now._

_She sniffled and looked down on the others who were still shooting and shouting and then she looked back at Miles._

_He didnt take his eyes of her. He couldn't bring himself together to look down on all the others. All he wanted to look at, was her._

_"You should go help them"_

_"No I'm just fine here. I'm not leaving you behind" His voice broke and he knew she wanted him to help the others. But right now he would rather die right here instead of helping._

_"Miles, listen to me. I love you" _

_"Stop talking crazy" Miles knew she meant it, because she had said it once before, where he failed to answer her. But he just didn't wanna except that this was the end for the both of them._

_"I do, I love you. So much. Please dont forget that" She struggeled to breathe, and all the pain went away. That was a bad sign. She knew that. _

_"I wont forget", He had to say it back now, otherwise she would never know how he felt._

_"I love you too. More than you would ever know." Miles felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest._

_Her breath started to slow down and he knew that this was it. _

_"Miles, I love you" Her last words. She had stopped breathing after that._

_Miles just sat there with her, dead in his arms and cried. He had nothing left to live for, nothing at all. The only person he ever truely loved and cared about had just died in his arms. _

_He cried. He didnt care who heard him and who saw him. The pain was so strong. _

_After what felt like hours, all the shooting and shouting stopped. Miles heard Juliet's voice from further away._

_"Where's Miles and Kate?"_

_"They probably got to scared and ran off into the jungle" James' sarcastic and mean comments didnt bother Miles anymore. _

_Miles didnt feel anything. He only felt like screaming. _

_"Look" Jack had seen Miles, and pointed out to the others where he was. They came running towards him, and they were met with the shock of Kate's body on the ground._

_"What happened?" Juliet was already in tears. She bendt down next to him and put her hand on Kate's neck to feel her pulse. She felt nothing at all. She was dead for sure. She stood back up and turned towards James who pulled her in for a hug. _

_"Son of a bitch!" James looked at her, there on the ground. He fought the tears best he could._

_Jack didnt even say anything. He just walked away. He was in deep chock. _

_Miles looked up at James, barely able to see him clearly because of all the tears._

_"James... Can you help me bury her?"_

_"Yeah. Sure"James let go of Juliet and went back to the van to pick up some shovels. He allowed himself to let the tears run while he walked. _

_Juliet sat down beside Miles and put a hand on his shoulder._

_"Im so sorry Miles. I wish there was something I could do". Her voice was calm and caring. Miles knew Juliet and Kate wasnt excatly friends, but he believed her. _

_"Yeah. Me too" Miles said so low it could barely be heard. He picked up Kate's body and started walking into the jungle. James followed him quietly with the two shovels. _

_Digging Kate's grave was clearly the worst thing Miles had ever done in his life. He wished that he was the one going in that hole. Oh how he wished. _

_"What happened back there?" James broke the silence._

_"I dont feel like talking" Miles just kept digging. He didn't wanna talk about it. It would only make it all worse._

_When the grave was deep enough, Miles went over and sat down beside Kate's dead body. He knew he shouldn't do it. But he wanted to know. He wanted to know what her last thoughts were. _

_"James, can I have a few minutes alone, please?" Miles tried to hide his tears from James._

_James didn't answer, he just walked away. Miles leaned over her body and closed his eyes. Words started flying around in his head. And then he heard her voice. Her last thoughts._

_"I'll see you in the next life"_

_Miles opened his eyes, confused and shocked of what he heard, and then he burst into tears. He picked up Kate's body and gently placed it in the grave. He leaned over and kissed her forehead. He pulled himself up from the grave, exhausted and heart broken. He picked up the shovel. He had to get this over with. James came back by the time Miles had finished covering her grave. Miles' eyes were red and his body was shaking, and he just wanted to go back to the Dharma House and cry. _

_"Its done. Im going home" Miles sniffeled once and started walking away. James was left just standing there next to the grave. He yelled after Miles,_

_"It's not home anymore!"_

_"I don't care!" Miles yelled back over his shoulder and kept walking until James was out of sight. Then he started running. Just to do it._

_When he came back to the Dharma House he grabbed a bottle of Dharma rum and headed towards the bedroom. _

_And he stayed there._

***

Tears ran down his face as he got up from the bed. He took off the dirty jeans and his dirty t-shirt. They were filled with Kate's blood and dirt from digging the grave.

He walked over to the closet and found the outfit that Kate had always loved. A simple tight t-shirt and pair of grey jeans. He took a shower and got dressed. He grabbed the bottle of sleeping pills from the bathroom and walked out the front door. No one was around. He headed straight for the cliff. The place where he and Kate had watched the sunset so many times. He had always noticed how rough the water looked. And all the sharp rocks right down below. A deadly fall.

He reached the cliff and looked down. The water was smashing against the wall of the cliff. He swallowed a bunch of the sleeping pills. And just stood there waiting for them to take affect.

They took affect. He took a deep breath.

And then he jumped.


End file.
